WILL STAMP COSTS IMPLODE WHEN INTERNET CRASHES?

J. Grant Swank, Jr.


There are studies “out there” that project that in a year Internet will crash.


Nemertes Research Corp is one of those prowlers. Conclusion: Internet traffic will make cyberspace travel “unable to keep up with the demand.” Bandwidth will call QUITS.


So when that happens, will the price of stamps go down?


In quick time, stamp costs will go up. Soon.


Reason would conclude then that with emails going zip via Internet crash, stamp costs should plummet, rejoicing over the upswing in letter and card flow like when we actually used a pen to write on paper.


I heard this morning on a TV commercial the accent of frugality returning to our lifestyles. It’s because of the tight squeeze on the wallet.


I then thought that lifestyles may return to what it was like when I was a child: pinching pennies and mailing to Grandma those penny postcards.


Also, recall when Gulftane was pumped at 29 cents per gallon?


And penny candy was a penny—really.


Remember when your little body leaned against the candy glass case to pick out your several cents’ worth of bubble gum and Mary Janes?


The other day in the 5 & 10 in North Conway, NH, those eensy yellow-wrapped Mary Janes sold for 10 cents apiece. I about dropped through the case, flopping into an uncontrollable fit.


With worldwide present-tense angst, I actually am looking forward to the future.


I know that swine flu beckons and the Iranian thug head threatens to return his messiah via global smoke streams.


But with stamps reasonably going down in price as well as penny candy returning as the symbol of frugality, it’s going to be okay.


PS: I just heard on TV that Catholics will not be exchanging the peace via hand shakes in Mass due to swine flu. Also, communion wafers are nix.


Thank you, Jesus, for living in my heart. That will have to suffice—as always.


Again, looking up, I anticipate cheaper stamps and candy sales like unto Miss Daisy’s Candy Store on North Market Street, Frederick, MD—where I twisted those Mary Jane taffies round my taste buds.


It was delightful.