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Saturday, June 27, 2009


J. Grant Swank, Jr.

Yes, they do.

Have counseled for 45 years. Have been around the block. Have listened to and observed first-hand women beating up on their men. Not nice. Not fair. Not good.

Yet for the man to squeal on the abusive female is anathema. It just can't be done. He's then a wimp, liar or psycho-imaginary. Nevertheless, the facts are that both genders, being severely damaged due to our spiritually fallen sphere, beat up on one another.

But unfortunately for both genders the common opinion is that men beat up
on women and that women don't beat up on men. Not.

Why is this unrealistic appraisal unfair to women? Because anything that is not true is unfair to us all. Only when the truth about women beating up on men is recognized can such females hopefully get help and the next generation of females be knowledgeable enough not to repeat same.

Women pound their fists into men. If the man strikes back, cops are called. Man is hauled off.

Women break objects over men's heads. If the man retaliates in like kind, cops are called. Man is hauled off.

Some women, not ready for body-to-body combat, come up to the man's chest--screaming, ranting--baiting him to take the first swing. If he doesn't, she wins. He's a coward. It he does swing, cops are called. The man is hauled off.

But there are other means by which women beat up on men.

For example, one of many includes verbal beating. It is daily fare in too many men's lives. Sadly, it can be repeated over such a long time frame that it becomes a neurotic way of life for both male and female.

One of the most advantageous places for female verbal beating to take
place is in a vehicle. As the car is moving, she has him pinned in a jail on wheels. Then she lets loose with whatever while he is at the wheel, baiting him with whatever, tempting him to either drive off the road in anger or strike at her in the passenger seat so as to put both lives in danger.

Further, she gambles that she can go and on and on, especially when the two are on a long trip, knowing that there is little chance of him making a U-turn for peace and quiet back home.

Verbal beating also occurs conveniently in the house when no one else is present and the windows are tightly closed. She then rants and raves, once again baiting the male to retaliate.

Verbal beating can take place in public, too. This is the malicious females' most advantageous geography for she concludes that the male will not give up his civil image before others by striking back either verbally or bodily. So she goes at it--and for the big win. Her verbal beating may be subtle or blunt, short or long, loud or soft--or a mix of the aforementioned, but it is verbal beating just the same.

In my counseling, I have found that verbal beating has been more common than the physical, though the latter cannot be discounted for it does occur--and can be exceptionally fierce. However, the big-loud mouth attack is too common. In that, the woman refuses to shut up. She cruelly persists in taunting and badgering. She flails her arms, stomps her feet, and then dares the man to respond with like barbarism. These situations are countless.

The vicious illogic behind this verbal meanness is quite simple: women conclude that since they can't win with body thrusts they will win with tongue sabers. So they go for it--and go for it--and go for it.

Over time, if the male succumbs passively--exhausted--to such mouth battering, the woman concludes that she can build quite an arsenal for numerous occasions; with that, a lifetime can be wasted in combat as the male loses his self-respect, self-esteem and any standing of worth within clan or larger community.

If you are the beaten-up male, what are some solutions?

 Call the battering woman on a reality check. Tell her that her beating--whatever the mode--won't work any more. If she thinks you are fooling, get a restraining order.

 Make an appointment for counseling. See that she goes to it, listens and follows through--also that she does not recreate "reality" to the counselor so as to make her come out the charmer.

 Shutdown. Refuse to communicate on any level until she quits her abuse. No sex. No physical contact of any kind. No talk. Only business matters exchanged such as relating to family schedules, bills, etc.

 Inform others in the clan of what you are going through. Go public to any helpful degree. Tell others that you are no longer going to tolerate the injustices leveled against you. They need to know the facts. If there are those who are suspicious of your data, too bad. Stay with what you know is truth.

 Pray that God will show you the power to live out tough love. He will do that. A woman who beats on a man obviously needs help. Tough love then works from the motive of wanting that woman to seek help.

Tough love is not leveled from selfishness; it is acted out to aid another. Therefore, instead of enabling the woman by submitting to her abuse, exhibit tough love to seek her healing. But remember: no one can force any other person to do anything--especially change. Tough love from you; final choice from her.

Moreover, levelheaded mothers and fathers talk this matter out with their older teens and young adult children in order for the next generation to be super wise concerning the dark side of relationships. If both mother and father understand that women mistreating men is just as destructive as vice versa, then they will explain this to their offspring.